4:17-4:42

     so, I can't sleep anymore tonight.

     i kept waking up, since like, 3.


     I have a lot of things on my mind right now I guess. One main one being that I may pretty soon lose another Grandma. I have more than two because of step and half and what-not. Pretty big family. This one is directly blood, though. As was the other one. So now, once she dies, I will only have one blood grandma left. I may be confusing some people but, it makes sense to me. Anywho. See, this Grandma, she has two different kinds of cancer. Breast cancer and now lung cancer, which is new. She's had breast cancer for years, shes a survivour. But it runs in the family. I'm at risk for it. And she has refused treatment since she was first diagnosed because she is stubborn, which I get from all over the place. And, she is taking care of my Down Syndrome aunt. Who is 40. And still doing well. But when she goes, my aunt will have no one. So, St. Patty's Day's weekend we all helped move her down from West Palm to a place called the Shamrock. Ironic, isn't it? Now, the majority of our family lives, not only in South Florida, in Broward County. ::sigh::


     Many people don't know that Down Syndrome also runs in my family. This all on my dad's side, by the way. And everytime people make jokes about "retards", I just want to strangle them. It really pisses me off that people don't understand that it isn't that persons fault. Yes, I used to make fun of them. However, I was younger and didn't understand it, even though I knew my aunt had it. Now, my cousin, from my Uncle, the only other boy this Grandma had, is Down Syndrome too. She however, got diagnosed when they were living over in Germany, not when she was born, like my aunt. It's all an internal thing, that can't be controlled. I just don't know when people don't understand that.


     It makes THEM looks like the retards.


     I'm not quite sure why I'm harping on this, nor why it's at the forefront of my mind. I guess it's just that, the next person, past my Aunt Debbie to take care of my aunt would be my parents. Now mind you, it's going from eldest down, minus my uncle who lives in Chicago. It's not that I don't want her living here, however, we aren't exactly financially stable right now. I am paying for most of my own things except clothes right now. I am contributing to buying my food, as I have been for awhile, I buy my own clothes sometimes, too. I pay anything I owe. See, I do have a job.


     But oh boy, was yesterday a trip!


     Whoa, sounded ghetto there for nanosecond.


     There are now new rules I have to go by and such, which irritates me to the utmost. I am being restricted and given more duties. Basically my entire day has changed. Granted, I have not worked for three weeks on a Sunday because I have had so much going on, however, for them to make new rules and regulations, only on sundays, in only my area, where only I work, is just.... rude. What the hell did I do? Did I do something wrong? If so, please tell me! Don't just change that schedule on me and expect me to conform. You can't change the animals diets on them because you feel like it!


     When I feed the iguanas yesterday, they were ravenous!


     Like they hadn't eaten in about a week! Same with one of the turtles we have. And the opossum. And, she gets feed everyday!
That's not normal, nor right. I don't like it. At. all.


     It is just not cool.


     So, I am just about thinking of quiting my job. However, all day, I was saying to myself, even though I love the animals, they are pushing it too far. But when I saw how Wilma, the opossum and Freckles, one of the iguanas was eating, [trying before I even put their bowls down!] I know that I need to stick it out for them.


     So, until next time--